An assertive response is a goal-oriented response where an individual takes effective action to meet his or her needs in a situation without harming others. Developing assertiveness will increase your range and choice of behavior. Encountering frustrating situations, passive or aggressive individuals often feel they have little choice but to continue with their habitual behavior which is often unsatisfactory to them. Assertive responding is about picking your battles, choosing when to try an assertive response. You don't have to be assertive all the time. In fact individuals who appear to be using "assertive" responses in all life situations may be masking aggression by trying to prevail in all situations. Assertive behavior is one of many skills which can be learned or maximized to increase life satisfaction.

Assertiveness is a skill, not a personality, a style of behavior common to many different kinds of personality. Learning assertiveness is basically learning to take effective action to meet individual goals while considering the rights and opinions of others. An assertive response often includes a willingness to work out a solution acceptable to others without compromising the rights of either person.

The solution will often involve analyzing barriers to assertiveness and practicing more effective responses. Assertiveness includes behaviors such as: stating your desired goal in a situation; voicing your opinions and feelings; describing your understanding of the other person's position; listening to the other person with respect and empathy; finding compromises or common ground to meet the needs of both people; avoiding win-lose scenarios; and keeping anger under control. Attempting an assertive response does involve being willing to encounter some criticism or rejection, although an effective assertive response will usually encounter less negativity then imagined or feared. The bottom line is that you will be unlikely to gain what you want out of a situation unless you ask!